I think I won the penis lottery.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
