Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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