hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
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