Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
