I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Randomize
