3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
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