was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
