Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
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