she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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