At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Randomize
