he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
