The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
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you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
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I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
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