I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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