Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
it glows. i had to have it.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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