omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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