I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
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