Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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