I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
one two three fourrrrnication!
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
