I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
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