Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Randomize
