You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Randomize
