Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
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I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
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I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
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