In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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