Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Randomize
