i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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