either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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