Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Randomize
