God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
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