i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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