Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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