I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Randomize
