When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
He felt like a one man threesome
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Randomize
