hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
just found out that she named her cat after me.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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