He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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