just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Randomize
