Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
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She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
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