I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize
