she told me i tasted like america
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
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