Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
