Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Blood and glitter go together right?
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Randomize
