If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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