you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
