Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Randomize
