shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
