my soul wont recognize me after tonight
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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