I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
