dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
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