So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Randomize
