is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
I haven't been this sober since birth.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize