so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
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