omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
My underwear smells like fireworks.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
