This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
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She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
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But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
It all started with a game of naked twister.