i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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