I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Randomize
