This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
BRING THE BAGELS
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
