I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
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