if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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