Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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