sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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