And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.