Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
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The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
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Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?