I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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