i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Randomize
