Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
