I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
There's always time for handjobs
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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