Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
