We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
