I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
