How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
