I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
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