I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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