I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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