It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Randomize
