his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
They are going to name an STD after you.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
