hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
