Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
