My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
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