I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
