ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
