can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
