He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
