I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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