Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
