The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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