In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
